A friend of mine moved to NYC last year and, in the hopes of meeting some nice guys, she joined OKCupid a few months later.
“How’s the experience been?” I asked. “Fine,” she said of the guys she has met. It has all been very innocent and she’s enjoyed coffee or dinner here and there. But then came ██████████████ (I’ve withheld the screen-name because I’m embarrassed for the guy). He has written multiple times, in run-on sentences, and my friend has never responded… partly out of revulsion but also partly out of fear that he may be crazy.
Below is the full text of his personal profile. All misspellings, run-on sentences and generally “can he be serious?!” moments have been left in tact. Be warned, it is not for the faint of heart and contains more lewd information than anyone should know about any other human being.
His Self Summary
I am a self assured Independent and confidant and know what I want and I take charge and I lead the pack and I don’t follow except a beautiful woman to paradise!! and I keep busy and I work on the water currently in New York City Harbor and I Have sailed the seven seas been to the seven continents and I want to sail to a beautiful womans heart and there is no lying in me !! and I am The real deal and I am a carnivore and no veeganoids please!! I just want too party and fine dinning not Mickee Dees but a decent resturant and don’t plan on ordering the most expensive items on the menu or you will be paying for it and and I like to see movies but lately I make love and not war!! because I want a good time not too be agitated and I just want to dance and play pool, and drink !! and if you agree with me give me a jingle so we can get laid, relaid, and parlayed with the lucky girl to be !!
What He’s doing with his life
Making it to retirement and live comfortably and I hope to meet a Fair darling who is rich and be my sugar momma !! I have seen everything and done it all and I want to have some fun with a Beautiful Hot Sexy Lady and go to a Porno shop and by some toys and lets have some fun giving you lots of multiple orgasims and I like the song Girls just want to have fun not just a quick peck on the cheek and good night ! but I want to survive the nite by trying to burn each other down and Make you scream out my name from here on after when we afford each other ultimate raptures and if you like what I am saying give me a call
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like reading hard core adult novels with lots of action in the bedroom and 2 n half men!! Kevin James Movies and Bree Olson Movies when I am with a beautiful woman butt naked and doing the wild thing with her role playing and I like 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s classic music, jazz, love songs, and yodeling in the canyon!!! and pizza, the kernals chicken, chinese, and beaver and bearded clams xoxoxo
The six things he could never do without
1- Cell Fone, 2- a back up plan when the unexpected happens !! 3-cash is king and Prepaid credit card 4- vodka or gin 5 head gaskets : profolatics 6 – never ever forget the womans name or that is all she wrote and think always fast on your feet !!!
He spends a lot of time thinking about
How many orgasims I can give you !! will the night turn out right !! If she has a headache, hopefully she be a freak and a horny ass nymph and making sure the mood will be right and never panic but remain cool calm when the shit hits the fan !!
On a typical Friday night he is
where else but working the docks at St. George Staten Island watching all the beautiful ladies decked out and dressed to the nines in all the finery!! and helping out the ladys in stress and for unexpected surprises when I make my rounds all during the nites!!
The most private thing he’s willing to admit
The sterotyping of private parts of our anatomy and to find out its all pack of lies !! and the bottom line you have to gain a womans trust and xoxoxoxo her and foreplaying, lots of orgasims then making love to her and snuggling and caressing and cuddling!!
He’s looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 29–42
Near me
For new friends, long-distance penpals, casual sex
You should message him if
if you want to start learn about each other and gain each others trust and protect each other and I am trying to figure out how to down load this labtop and lets take it to next level
Tommy Karr 