NOM & Gallagher: The Veruca Salt in our Nation’s Chocolate Factory

The National Organization for Marriage (trumpeted by Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown) have become the Veruca Salt in our nation’s chocolate factory. Gallagher wrote the following in a blog post following yesterday’s jubilation-inducing ruling that Prop 8 was unconsitutional.

“In a breathtaking exercise in ill-natured illogic, a divided Ninth Circuit ruled 2-1 that because Prop 8 does not take away civil-union benefits for same-sex couples, it’s an unconstitutional exercise in irrational animus toward gay people… Dishonestly, the court claimed it did not require any heightened scrutiny to reach this result.”

Normally I would rise above outright mocking these bigots but I couldn’t help but see the parallel between their whining and that of the most famous brat in film and literature. (Video of the original Veruca follows.)

Hey Daddy, I want marriage equality banned.
Celebrants! Feasters!
I want gay marriage to go’way by Easter

I think they’re beasts.
I think they’re mean beasts.
Cream puffs who protest and fruitcakes I’d arrest
So damn them, I’ll stay blessed!

They want it all.
They want a party
Pink triangle loons with big rainbow balloons
All performing chantoons and …
Give it to me
Rrhh rhhh
Now!

I want their vows
I want their “oh wows”
I want to lock them all up in my pig pen
It’s my turn to damn them
Give them to me
Now!

I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to the future to be filled with bigots
Such rude little piglets

[softer]
Here’s a Tea Party with roomfulls of hatred
Ten thousand signatures gleam
And if we don’t get the things we are after
I’m going to scream!

I want the works
I want the whole works
Sad gay civilians will cry by the billions
While I spend NOM’s millions
And now…
Don’t care how I want it now!
Don’t care how I want it noooooooow!

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About the author

I’m Tommy, a writer and storyteller who works in marketing for the arts and cultural communities. I’m the author of Mabel Stanley and the Town That Was Built All Wrong, a fun and heartfelt book, and I’m currently working on a novel about self-discovery and the complexities of memory. Writing is a big part of my life, but I also enjoy creating experiences that bring people together, which is why my husband, Matt, and I co-run the online store Have Fun Spread Joy. It’s all about embracing the playful side of life and giving back along the way. I’m married to Matt, and we share our home with our two pets, Zoey (the cat) and Dixie (the dog). When I’m not writing, working on our store, or doing marketing for the arts, I like to dive into theater, something I want to get more involved with over time. I was diagnosed with ADHD, and while it comes with its own set of challenges, it also gives me a unique perspective that I try to channel into everything I do. Whether it’s writing, working on creative projects, or finding ways to spread joy, I’m all about making a lasting impact in whatever I do.

Tommy Karr