Caning to Times Square (or Curse of the Traveling Thomas)

I had to get myself to Times Square this morning since that was where they chose to call it in. So once again I faced the daunting task of dealing with the lackadaisical inanity of the Duane Reade employees.

Let’s begin by pointing out that it is exactly .2 miles from my apartment to the subway station entrance. That’s three minutes of walking. Three. Unless you have recently had knee surgery in which case you hobble along 600% the speed you would normally walk and thus the adventure takes almost 18 minutes.

Next, my Metrocard expired. Of all the days for it to expire it was the first day that I attempt to get to midtown, using a cane, and when the downtown A is sitting there waiting for me.

So I attempt to buy a new card using my ADP Commuter Benefits Visa. I get the screen that you see here. So, I call my office and talk to our rep and discover that nothing is wrong with my card. I suck it up, pay for the monthly card with my Amex and press on… missing a second train as I feebly descend the staircase.

The train is going local. Grrr.

An hour after I began I finally push my way into the Duane Reade at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Literally push. The throngs are spilling out of the bus terminal and crowding me and once I make it through them I shimmy past a delivery man who has a very urgent case of Snapple to drop off.

Then I meet her. Miss “I’m Very Busy Dusting These Pills So I Cannot Help You Right Now”.

After several grunts, throat clearings and finally an “Excuse me” another pharmacy rep appears from the other side of that rack (Miss IVBDTPSICHYRN never turned to acknowledge me) and helped me.

But her register broke so she had to figure out what was wrong (including the credit card scanner/screen which was stuck on the previous person’s transaction from who knows how long ago). Finally, copay charged, I left and returned to the bowels of the NYC subway system where I waited… and waited… and waited… no benches available… and waited for 30 minutes for an uptown bound A train. I’d have happily even taken a C had one appeared. After three E trains an A finally approached. I found a seat and was promptly stomped on by a horde of Ugg-wearing co-eds who didn’t bother to look that my busted leg (which doesn’t bend) was sticking ever-so-slightly out in front of me. And who said “Excuse me”? ME! They blinked and moved on without a word.

Fail Ugg-wearing co-eds. FAIL!

That’s my rant. No I’m going to take my prescription and pass out and pretend none of this happened and that it was all just a silly nightmare induced by pain.

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About the author

I’m Tommy, a writer and storyteller who works in marketing for the arts and cultural communities. I’m the author of Mabel Stanley and the Town That Was Built All Wrong, a fun and heartfelt book, and I’m currently working on a novel about self-discovery and the complexities of memory. Writing is a big part of my life, but I also enjoy creating experiences that bring people together, which is why my husband, Matt, and I co-run the online store Have Fun Spread Joy. It’s all about embracing the playful side of life and giving back along the way. I’m married to Matt, and we share our home with our two pets, Zoey (the cat) and Dixie (the dog). When I’m not writing, working on our store, or doing marketing for the arts, I like to dive into theater, something I want to get more involved with over time. I was diagnosed with ADHD, and while it comes with its own set of challenges, it also gives me a unique perspective that I try to channel into everything I do. Whether it’s writing, working on creative projects, or finding ways to spread joy, I’m all about making a lasting impact in whatever I do.

Tommy Karr