The saga continues.
The next day I sprang out of bed. The dream I had was revelatory! Duh! Just twist the fixture clockwise and it will be freed from its hold and pop loose! I couldn’t believe I didn’t think of that the night before. I also couldn’t believe that I had dreamt that my light fixture was as child proof as a bottle of Bayer aspirin.
Excited I climbed on the bed and reached up to the lamp. Twi…..st? Hmm, nothing. The unit didn’t budge. This was clearly more complex than I had anticipated. No time to deal now. Must head to work. So, after throwing on slacks and a clean shirt I headed out the door, thinking of what I could do to pry the fixture loose when I returned.
7:00PM that Night: I returned home and immediately grabbed a butter knife and a (knockoff) Leatherman. Up on the bed I reached up and shoved the butter knife between the fixtures medallion and the ceiling. It barely wedged between them and certainly not enough to cause it to pop free. I opened the Leatherman and, using the small blade inside it, began to score the edge of the medallion. Again, I pressed the butter knife into the newly scored rim and after several sharp yanks it POPPED free and swung down onto my head, raining what looked like asbestos into my hair. Gross! And deadly.
I cleaned myself off and then began the arduous task of disconnecting the existing wires (again, the power was cut off but there was enough sunlight to make it through this portion).
When the sun set I gave up and brought the power back online. I distracted myself from the frustration of the ceiling and focused on assembling the fan itself. Again, this was mostly about connecting the white wire output to the white wire input followed by a dozen other color combinations and a separate remote control sensor that the designers, in their infinite wisdom, decided would be best left disconnected from the motor.
Engineer 1: Wouldn’t it be a fun project for the buyer to figure this part out for themselves?
Engineer 2: Oh yes, very crafty. They’ll feel such pride when they’ve accomplished this task.
Engineer 3: I agree. In fact, let’s write the instructions in such a way that they’ll have to really push themselves. Maybe we’ll inspire a whole new race of engineers for the future!
Engineers (in unison): HAZAH!
Thanks geniuses! After wracking my brain for an hour in a desperate attempt to solve the Riddle of the Engineers I ended up with this (see image to your left)!
This pseudo-fan looks like the love child of Tom Servo and Rosie the Robot.
So there it sits. Waiting for the next step in its progress toward operation. It would be complete had I realized that the ceiling mounting unit needed a support box inside the ceiling for all this to hang securely and work properly. (Things to Include on the Box!) This also means a stud-finder will be purchased.
So the saga will continue into Day 3 once these extra items are procured. Stay tuned!
To be continued…
Tommy Karr 